Raising growing people is no easy task, and it can become more challenging when adapting a family unit to separation.
We asked the ABC Kids Community what their advice would be for anyone new to co-parenting, and they generously shared a wide variety of answers – from the practical to the in-depth, to tips on some classic parenting traps to avoid.
Embrace learning moments
You teach your child about all their future relationships.
[Relationships] do not have to work out – love changes and people change – but you can still be kind, considerate and respectful.
– Jayne
2. There does not have to be a bad guy
Remember the kids come first and they love you both.
People have different parenting styles and both have positive benefits. Children love both parents and need all the love they can get.
– Martha
3. Find co-parenting heroes
It can be done. And it can be done well. Look for good examples to model from.
– Mitch
4. Splitting life is not easy
It is very difficult for children to live between two houses, especially when there are many different rules and expectations.
Do what you can to make it easier:
- Make sure they have laptop chargers at every home so they do not have to remember to carry them every week
- Welcome them home every week
- Make sure you give them time so they can sit back and cool down if they have to
– Amanda
5. Look for the co-parent trap
Children are smart; they will ‘play’ each parent against each other to ‘win’ treats. Also be ready for many [comments, like]: “But Daddy does it that way.”
– Natalie
6. ‘Children are not pawns’
Put the children in the foreground and remember that the relationship between the two adults is the one that ended – not the parenting relationship.
If you can not come to an agreement, see a counselor and develop a parenting plan.
Children are not pawns in the battlefield of broken relationships.
– Cindy
7. Build a support network
Have a good support system / friends in place. There will be times when you need it.
It’s easy to say your kids should always come first – we all know that – but you’re not good for them if you ‘re not okay. Seek help if you need it.
– Lacey
8. Do not place children ‘in the middle’
Be persistent.
Be kind to each other and remember it’s not the kids’ fault it did not work.
Do not put them in the middle, and keep your opinion about the other person away from the children.
– Mark
9. Develop a routine
Get a parenting plan done as soon as possible (this is done via a mediation session by a community services group or payable with a lawyer) and be routine with visits / care.
Use a shared calendar application to record and plan when the children are in your care, school holidays, appointments, etc.
– Sasha
10. There is an application for it
There is an application for co-parents to communicate through. It monitors conversations and ensures that they are all based around the children – it was brilliant after my divorce.
– Megan
11. It’s all about the children
It’s like a business relationship: keep it “professional” and not “personal”.
You are both in a contract with each other to look after the best interests of your children.
– Gabrielle Hill
12. Choose your battles
Do not say you will never give your child screen time to keep them quiet – you will lol.
– Kerry
This article contains only general information. You should consider seeking independent professional advice regarding your specific circumstances.
Do you have children? You can share your parenting highs and lows by joining the ABC Kids Community Facebook page.
Comment on upcoming parenting posts and you may appear in our next article.
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